Friday 12Jul19 - Doubts and Setbacks
The past few days' revelations concerning my research have been overwhelming. Without Rebecca or Dr. Bagley here for guidance, I am concerned as to whether I can properly interpret and manipulate this data. Dr. Finkelstein seemed skeptical of my goals as I described them to him yesterday during our meeting, and that has further challenged my faith as to whether I have fully grasped the purpose of my work. It is my hope that there has merely been miscommunication between team members at higher levels, muddying our common understanding and vocabulary about the project, but that my goals have not truly changed. Some time will have to pass before that is clear. Rebecca and Doctors Bagley and Finkelstein will all be in Australia, with limited contact to me, but full access to each other to cement an agreement over the next week. My hope is that they will take the opportunity to do so.
Today I will begin analyzing all of the data I have been given. My purpose will be to discover how many kinds of files I possess, what information they contain, and how they are related. There is a good deal here, and Dr. Finkelstein stated his belief that much of it was extraneous. I am inclined to agree with him: it seems like there is way more data here than I had any idea I would be working with. It's not clear to me how it is organized, and it doesn't seem to be arranged as I anticipated either.
Maintaining a grip on my sense of anxiety requires that I acknowledge this is a SNAFU. I suspected from the beginning that despite of, or perhaps due to my dedicated efforts and rapid progress the general lack of guidance and supervision given me would result in an impasse. Efforts were made on my part to meet with Rebecca regularly, clarify my work's purpose, and set goals. Now I believe Dr. Finkelstein has recognized that more leadership and input will be needed to define and achieve our aims. Dr. Bagley will have a hand in clarifying and slimming some of our project's finer points as well. I regret that it took five of my ten weeks for us to reach this reckoning, but I can only lead from the bottom of the chain of command so much before it becomes a matter of ego; subtlety is required so that no one feels that their expertise or authority is being disrespected or challenged. Leaders must be allowed to realize that they are failing. I can only hope that they recognized that I have been as proactive (or more so, really) as could be expected throughout this process. I will know at the end of my time here, once I sit down to provide them with feedback.
For the time being, I will simply do my best and enjoy the beauty of Austin, TX and the pleasure of the learning process. In my free time I've started watching Star Trek The Next Generation. Though I've seen a good deal of this show, I certainly haven't seen all of it. There's a unique style to what I'm attempting this time though: rather than watch it linearly, which would almost certainly expose me to many of the same episodes I've seen dozens of times, I will watch it by character. Beginning with Worf, I'll watch all the episodes most recommended by fans of the show for that character's development. Because it's a character-driven show, I am confident that this will expose me to the best parts of the show and let me avoid filler.
Today I will begin analyzing all of the data I have been given. My purpose will be to discover how many kinds of files I possess, what information they contain, and how they are related. There is a good deal here, and Dr. Finkelstein stated his belief that much of it was extraneous. I am inclined to agree with him: it seems like there is way more data here than I had any idea I would be working with. It's not clear to me how it is organized, and it doesn't seem to be arranged as I anticipated either.
Maintaining a grip on my sense of anxiety requires that I acknowledge this is a SNAFU. I suspected from the beginning that despite of, or perhaps due to my dedicated efforts and rapid progress the general lack of guidance and supervision given me would result in an impasse. Efforts were made on my part to meet with Rebecca regularly, clarify my work's purpose, and set goals. Now I believe Dr. Finkelstein has recognized that more leadership and input will be needed to define and achieve our aims. Dr. Bagley will have a hand in clarifying and slimming some of our project's finer points as well. I regret that it took five of my ten weeks for us to reach this reckoning, but I can only lead from the bottom of the chain of command so much before it becomes a matter of ego; subtlety is required so that no one feels that their expertise or authority is being disrespected or challenged. Leaders must be allowed to realize that they are failing. I can only hope that they recognized that I have been as proactive (or more so, really) as could be expected throughout this process. I will know at the end of my time here, once I sit down to provide them with feedback.
For the time being, I will simply do my best and enjoy the beauty of Austin, TX and the pleasure of the learning process. In my free time I've started watching Star Trek The Next Generation. Though I've seen a good deal of this show, I certainly haven't seen all of it. There's a unique style to what I'm attempting this time though: rather than watch it linearly, which would almost certainly expose me to many of the same episodes I've seen dozens of times, I will watch it by character. Beginning with Worf, I'll watch all the episodes most recommended by fans of the show for that character's development. Because it's a character-driven show, I am confident that this will expose me to the best parts of the show and let me avoid filler.
Comments
Post a Comment